Monday, March 31, 2008

We Win the Opener! 

Who let Jim Thome back in town? Too scary. Anyway, it's good news for the Tribe, and we're off to another season of that game that fills in most of the time between Football seasons. Now I'm on call so posting will be sparse. Also I have many important home projects to ignore.

The kid starts school tomorrow and vacation was a classic. Short but sweet. My daughter saw what she wanted and was very much interested in Yeshiva U. This was tremendous for her. I'm glad that she could do that. In fact, we had to keep calling and reminding her to get back to the hotel the night she visited. I'm even glad the ex could see it and was heavily medicated. Meeting Erica was a party by itself. There's nothing like a meeting of the minds. Sometimes you feel more at home with someone you've never seen before than with people who have been in the background for years.

Now back to work. Something there is going to change, and you don't hear much about the long term visionary direction for the future. Those setting direction are too busy trying to make and save $$$ for the company, which is OK with me. It's like The Far Side cartoon of two guys in a fishing boat with a mushroom cloud on the horizon. One of them says "I'll tell you what it means! Screw the limit!". I'm going to go ahead with my next technology pick at home, starting with an upgrade for this very PC on which I'm blogging. This will also cut out posts for the next couple of days. This technology is for Me, Inc.

The high school continues to be a security concern. One year less for the kid in that place is sounding better. I'm still ticked off about how the administration there handled her problem last fall. It needed to be fixed! Lots of other general security problems there too. I don't like the risk.

A couple of friends from way back stopped in from out of town on Saturday. This was mostly fun but the HateBushRant is really way out of control. My kid became more religious on her own and is enjoying reading Ayn Rand. I didn't force any of this, but always said what I thought even when she had a nice pile of Kumbiyah for assignments. Befriending a guy that came over from the former CCCP also encouraged her along the path. I won't dump old friends, but their interrogating her about her opinions is not welcome. She gave back pretty good, too. These people have totally lost the boundary between the personal and political. Also, they're pretty bigoted against the more religious. They need to get a life.

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Sunday, March 30, 2008

Almost End of Vacation 

The worst part of it too is it's Sunday afternoon. Hopefully, KOTH will not be detained.

This land is made of mountains
This land is made of mud
This land has lots of everything
for me and Elmer Fudd
This land has lots of trousers
This land has lots of mausers
And pussy cats to eat them when the sun goes down.

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Saturday, March 29, 2008

Arthur Burns, Burns, Burns 

On the tube: Catch Me If You Can

On my mind:

On hold: Seeing the current main squeeze, at least until spring break is over. Then again next week as I double having my kid next weekend, coincident with being on call.

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This goddam fucking piece-of-shit level of fucking swearing will not be fucking tolerated!

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Coming back to the world of the mundane, preparing to go on-call next week. Still too much good stuff to blog about from the NYC trip. I can't leave it alone. Humor, like software must be repeatedly tested. While she was at Barnard my kid picked up some grainy pamphlet from the Barnard Center for Research on Women. You can only imagine what was written there, and you would be right. Like they said in Animal House; just mention Civil Rights, Modern Art, or Primitive Civilizations and you're in like Flynn. So click on the link and be the first on your block to read The Biopolitics of Caste. First question: are they hot?

Such an august program needs a sponsor, indeed, must be named for a leader in the field of studies. And when it comes to Research on Women, no blogger stood taller than that eminent author, Rob Smith. Others don't hold a candle to his level of research, especially when red toneail polish was involved. Personally, I spend a lot of time researching this area.

So, here's to the babes of the paranoid left. You name the Center for Rob, and I'll continue my research. Shave those legs, sis. And start storing corn in those Volvos.

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Friday, March 28, 2008

Dorothy Baby! 


Thursday, March 27, 2008

Home Aloon 

Back home in the Captain SQL Fortress of Slack, attending to back home errands. Today I trimmed the hedges, and boy, are my arms tired.

Been at this blogging stuff for a few years, and consider my blogfather as Acidman, and bologmother as Neo Neocon. Both pretty well summed up a lot of my thoughts about politics and world affairs. Acidman is no longer with us, unfortunately. For a lot better writing about those abovementioned subjects than I can provide, consult Neo.

However, that source cannot provide critical insight into local developments, or decay in North Ohio, where this blog originates. And our local media is incapable of providing insight beyond monsyllables. And remembering the 1948 World Series, which the Indians still won. And so it is with great reluctance I present a field guide to our local politicians, alson known as Your Cavalcade of Losers.

As mentioned before I have offered to put Dennis Kucinich to good use, filling potholes in New York. I mean as a replacement for the asphalt, not actually shovelling because the only thing he's good for shovelling comes out of horses. He represents the West Side of Cleveland. Under an Indian treaty in 1795 that territory was not open for settlement. So technically, he represents the Illegally Occupied West Bank. Ha ha. Suck it, Dennis.

Next comes our Senator Sherrod Brown. Power couple. Raspy voiced Yalie. Blah blah blah blah. Stop me if this sounds familiar.

Moving down the food chain we encounter the Bored of County Commissioners. Winner alert. Here we see a rarity: a Democrat that may actually be decent. Maybe. Peter Lawson Jones proves that with a Harvard legal education you too can pose critical questions of governance, such as "hey guys, don't you think we ought to ask the voters before we invoke a tax hike to send money for a Medical Mart that may or may not happen?" At least he asked the question.

Not much left locally worth discussing. Especially the other two commissioners. One a waste of oxygen, the other a waste of carbohydrates. Winner Alert. In fact. lets skip to Josh Mandel, who has my praise and thanks. Is there any way we can get more like him?

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Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Visit to the Big City 

Just got back from New York and boy, are my arms tired! Stick around for more corny wisecracks. Flew there on Sunday bright and early with my daughter and with the ex in tow. The girl was going to visit colleges there. The ex had enough medication to prevent drama successfully.

Promptly walked to the vicinity of the Empire State Building where I completed the obligatory embarassing the daughter by pointing to it and stating you sure can store a lot of corn there. On the way back to the hotel I identified a home that was thoroughly flamingoed. Never too far to perform a practical joke.

Further embarrasment by pointing at the Chrysler Building and repeating you sure can store a lot of corn there. Then Erica came over and I delivered two more wisecracks along along with edible Buckeyes and an Ohio State lunch box. That came with a warning to keep it out of Eric's reach, since those SEC guys keep eating our lunch. She was in considerable pain due to a fall in a nasty pothole merely yards from the hotel. Dr. Cappy recommends martinis. Take two of these every half hour for 7 days. I offered to fill in the pothole with Dennis Kucinich. Pretty good, huh? A pothole filled by an asshole? Nevertheless, it was great meeting her, the first real live blogger I've met for real. And she's just as entertaining in real life as on line. She's got to do a video of her Godfather impression in Yiddish. Who else comes up with this stuff these days? Me, for one. I tell you, it takes a solid grounding in Spike Jones, which helps a lot, and she's got that. So I told her a little about some fun in the past: getting plastered in Buffalo, decorating the bathroom in Buffalo, buying booze for college in Buffalo, getting plastered in Chicago, decorating similarly there, frat parties, lousy rotten projects, getting plastered during those rotten projects. All the good stuff.

And I needed that because the next day off we go to Barnard, a subsidiary of Columbia U. Wow. They need to sell tickets and refreshments for this college visit. I never thought I'd run into assholes like this after my kid was done with the private school the ratbastard judge in the divorce case sent her through Jr. High. But they're out there, lurking, waiting for their entitlement. Future little Hillary Clintons on parade. And the parents are engineering the whole thing. In fact, they did most of the talking. 10 out of 11 kids that apply won't be accepted. I have a better idea. Instead of resorting to ugliness, like attorneys, threats and bribes, why not just issue loaded weapons and lock the parents in a gym somewhere. The ones that survive will have their kids admitted. Good thing I wasn't watching Married With Children or Family Guy before the visit.

Actually, she picked up some good questions to ask at the next college visit. Then, when it was all over, we were on a side street parked up entirely with Volvos. Of course, I pointed to them and said You sure can store a lot of corn in those Volvos!

She owes me big time. I completely stifled important questions, like "How many of the girls major in sewing?" and "How did you gals do in this year's Pillsbury bakeoff?"

Next day she spent the whole day visiting a religious oriented school. She was much more interested there and we had to remind her to get back to the hotel at the end of the day. I think that place is for her. Meanwhile, I spent the evening eating then digesting the biggest steak I've had in a long time. It was Bobby Hillworthy. And best of all, the side dish was mashed potatoes inside a volcano cone onion rings. Why didn't someone think of this before?

Overall, a very good visit.

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Saturday, March 22, 2008


All great blogsphere pseudonym superheroes need an ArchNemesis. It was recently pointed out to me the need to explain SQL. It means Structured Query Language. That is a techie term. It does not mean that I dialog easily with anally retentive gay people.

This is not pronounced Captain Squirrel. That is actually SecretSquirrel, able to store many nuts through the winter. The pronunciation is like sequel. But this gives rise to arch enemy (enema?) Captain Epilog. Beware the evil intentions of this man. He has been known to raise taxes without so much as a question from the taxed. Mostly, he is a danger to pastry and various baked goods throughout the vicinity, often disguised with his face down in a box of doughnuts.



Friday, March 21, 2008

Schoenling, Schoenling... 

You drink this shit?

You're damn right I drink this shit!



the gang at work is a little like this. One of the guys works between Smokey and The Bandit. Boy, is he confused. Don't know if anybody's ass has actually been barbequed.



Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Work is continuing pretty much OK, but there's a lot of shakiness about the latest financial doings. Trying to mellow out before the NYC trip, but a dense, wet snow has blanketed the immediate vicinity making Martinis less likely tonight. My bartender gave me a good lead on those drinks in New York. He's genuinely benefitted from a striking resemblance to the leading weatherman here, but is with a local lady who's mom owns a Hungarian place nearby. That's us: come for the forecasts, stay for the cabbage rolls.

The technobabes at work are being especially irritating this week. And for no apparent reason I'm adding this video. Not a big SciFi fan. I think this chick is daffier than Erin O'Brien, but also less naked too.

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Sunday, March 16, 2008


Finally asked The Sopranos at the local McDonalds if the gal that hangs with them is Kathy, a High School classmate of mine and Airhead Supreme. Turns out that she is. Also, I'm too young to join that August group of cranky old men. It's a great relief to be too young for something.

Kumbiyah tonight as baby sis is in town from Chi. This will be fortified with Guiness, in honor of St. Patrick's day. Her plane was diverted to Detroit for a couple of hours yesterday until the fog cleared here, so she missed a breakfast at Eat at Joes. Another friend filled in as I shovelled pancakes into my face, and has the photo to prove it, which I won't share. Also yesterday had the traditional Corned Beef and Cabbage with the current girl I'm seeing, and a couple of her friends. Nice couple. Yakked away about football with P.J., H.S. variety, while the gals conspired in Russian.

I give. I'm not going to waste time with stupid sub-full-screen editors no matter what the labels say. Not on my time and not on my dime! If work will pay for it, I'll do it. Whinemeal, there's plenty of sane people left in this world. And I intend to join that group someday.

The kid continues to pile up the honors, and it's off to the big city next weekend to have a look at colleges. Don't know much about getting around the place, but a guy named Elliot gave me some advice so I can't go wrong! You'll never find our governor, Bud Strickland in that kind of trouble. Ha ha, he's gay.

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Friday, March 14, 2008

Larry Storch-Centric 

for your protection.



Sunday, March 09, 2008

Gee Wally! 

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Driveway finally cleared about 5:00 AM today, allowing access to one big, greasy breakfast. Yum yum. Nothing like Eat at Joe's pancakes, sausages and hash browns to make up for an inactive Saturday and pave the way for an inactive Sunday as I work hard to digest that stuff. The heap o'snow shown in yesterday's posting has grown to epic proportions, topping off literally inches shy of the top of the garage. I may name it Mt. Stupid, or maybe Gomer's Pile.

This also tripped off a shortage of Yarzheit Candles, one of which I need for this week. My mom passes on St. Patrick's Day 2005. I still miss her. Both nearby locations were out of them but did intercept a supply at a local butcher, he of Russian extraction. Damn, cornered the market, at least in this neighborhood. Otherwise I'd have had to go 2 - 3 miles in search of. And if they didn't have 'em, next stop Chicago. Unless somebody's horading 'em in Ft. Wayne.

Local and national politics too disgusting for comment. Fortunately,we can count on the ever-trustworthy French to provide even more trying blogfodder. As seen here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/03/07/wfrance107.xml

Well, there's only one thing for any Red-Blooded, Red-State American to do: Haul their chestnuts out of the fire again, one more time, like in 1917 and 1941. It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it, and we're just the guys for the job. I stand ready to assist.

Porky's is (are?) on the CaptainSQL idiot box, making up for missing Semi-Pro last night. Did you know Ditka has a line of Salsa out. If Jim Brown ever came out with one I'd buy his. It would kick the ass of any other salsa on the shelf around the block and back again!

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Saturday, March 08, 2008

It's Deep 

and getting deepter by the minute. Haven't been outside today at all but will probably venture out sometime this weekend for provisioning. Still working my way through Against the Day, page by page, closing in on 500. It's a good read but has been years since I read V by Pynchon. Lots more plot twists in this one, more like twists in plot threads. I do like the western parts to it, less so the turn-of-the-century pulp threads. It's also causing me to slow down my blogging as I dig out ancient and revered mathematical texts, and consult with Dr. Eigenvalue.



Friday, March 07, 2008

One last oldie but goodie as I watch the snow pile up and sink deeper into a rich, dark brew. Who will stop the rain? Al Roker?



Quaint and Snow Covered Since 1962 

It's supposed to snow to beat the band. Lovely, pregnant Betsy Kling says so, leaving Bruce Kalinowski outside to verify that and freeze his tail off. But there's no reason to be down about this. Cappy and his neighbors and very special friends can have a hearty good time, as seen here:

So have a cup of good cheer and enjoy the blizzard. I'll be enjoying a cup of something else soon.



Thursday, March 06, 2008


I was and suppose I still am. I write and eat left handed. Most sports is right handed, which isn't a great idea and confounded the crap out of me learning baseball, golf and tennis. Football wasn't too bad, mostly take the ball and run. Rumor had it that James A. Garfield (the president, not the cat you nimrods) was similarly inclined, and could write in Latin with his left hand and the Greek translation with his right simultaneously. What brings this up at this late date? I usually don't text too often but needed to respond to one that shall go nameless at this time, and boy, did it come out bad. Another great reason to use full screen editors all the time.

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Tuesday, March 04, 2008

A good week is undeway. Going to our lovely Columbus office tomorrow at a reasonable time, this time. Hopefully with ZZ Top at full volume. Also glad that the election shizzle will finally leave town. OK Hillary, you can quit circling the Terminal Tower on your broom! Also tired of the Kumbiyah psychobabble from the school district. Time to 'doze it and really start enforcing excellence, starting with renaming the district the Orbit City School District. And where's my hotdam flying car?

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Sunday, March 02, 2008

Cappy Only a Pawn in Game of Database 

Tired this weekend. A couple of weeks of creeping disturbed sleep combined with the wear and tear of suddenly taking over for the kid have contributed. A massive, original, Technicolor nightmare early this AM about a bad visit to Chicago with the ex and daughter was creepy. Too close to the real trip to New York.

Also, giving up on trying to second guess our strategic tech direction at work. If I'm interested in a new technology I'll fool around with it at home. Seems like we're going to support all databases needed, despite any announced strategic direction. And that's the way it should be. After all, they pay us!

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