There's only three types of people in the world: those that can do the math, and those that can't.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Just like I said, draw up a reasonable, well-thought-out plan to accomplish a substantial amount of work, and the bastards will ignore it and fly into action every time. Without any thinking or planning. Good thing I'm getting older: years ago I would have stomped around about this and used it as an excuse for drinking. Now, who needs an excuse. Hell, it's their money either way, as long as my piece of it shows up in the paycheck.
Meanwhile, enjoy this, in honor of the fastest dental appointment I ever had, which happened today.
Walk the Line playing on AMC right now, makes me want to dredge this up. I may have posted it before, but it's always a good time for Johnny Cash. The film isn't bad either. Reese Witherspoon is scarier as a brunette. For some reason I haven't grossed out my girlfriend yet. I can still clean up good, but not going to chase tail over the cliff. Older and wiser now. For some reason they wants to make me Project Manager for our last big run up the hill for our good old technology. I'll do it if they demand it and can't con a real one into the job. Be warned, my vocabulary includes the word No, which most Project Managers seem to have lost, along with a pair of gonads. I'll know if they give me the vest with the bullseye on the back.
Not dumped, but she's really ticked about my unpressed pants. Like Acidman said, If my blog does not meet your standards, then LOWER YOUR STANDARDS. Who the hell do you think you are, anyway? And truer words were seldom said. Anyways, so big deal.
Summonsed for drinks tomorrow by the current chick. Not been a happy girl lately. Could be time to walk the plank. Big deal. At least no divorce attorney makes any kind of money on this. Also, since she is Russian I can crack the obvious pun: the Operating System will go from DOS to DOS Vedanyah. Too bad I never got her to say "Moose and Squirrel".
Enough whiny relationship talk. Time to comfort myself and offer you a link to probably the biggest stinkeroo of all time. If you have nothing better this weekend to do than guzzle rotgut or apply bondo to the '83 Chevette this may be around the same level waste of time: http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0183884/ . A guaranteed time waster.
A little introductory fooling around with the new technology last night on my home PC. Nothing like the zing of new technology! Well, almost nothing. I am hip and in the groove. Oh, no! Another flashback! This AM had my daughter's honors assembly at the High School. Really proud of her; honors in two, count 'em two classes. Still feeling good about that!
That was the Indians' final score. Phooey. Been there and done that at the Erin O'Brien KingTutFest. A delightfull authoress, and very lifelike in real life. First had to sit through a windbag editor hawking his own work. Next reader, more bullshit. Then a guy that read a story about a guy that saw holy images in his breakfast cereal, and heard voices from the hand dryer in the bathroom. And who hasn't heard those voices? Also, a character imagined an Archangel was working in the I.T. Department. Le'mee give ya a piece of advice, bub. Always be in awe of those tech geniuses, especially your DBA. We are in fact in posession of supernatural powers, and don' you forget it! Then more bullshit. Then finally Erin O'Brien, delivering a very interesting reading from one of her own works. I could relate. It happened in a flea market held on the other side of town. During my illustrious and varied past I worked on one of the great bloodbath application installs in the company adjacent to said flea market. Good times. Anyway, I tried to arrange it with O'Brien to have my ex-wife committed to one of her short stories. It may not work, but if she does escape at least it will be on the other side of town.
Really shitty Indians game on TV now, down 3-0 to the Twins in the 7th. Announcers serving up the usual bullshit excuses. I think I'll screw courage to the mast and venture into The People's Republic for a reading by Blogger and Westside Irish Pixie Erin O'Brien.
Enjoyed the play at the kid's High School last night. I wonder if they have a musical "Ohio" in Oklahoma. Maybe in some parallel universe. The ex behaved herself and I graced them with a visit for Shabbos dinner after the play. Mighty fine kugel. Still waiting for shoes to fall at work. Maybe they will and maybe they won't. At this advanced stage, I'm tired of the drama. Getting together with friends tomorrow during the day, and maybe CurrentChick will grace me attending the congregational Seder tomorrow evening. Way too much variability with that one. Also hope I won't be seated with Larry from Dharma and Greg there. Exposure to normal people throught the miracle of blogging and Interwebs has really eroded the tolerance for 60's type hippie bullshit.
Lotsa waiting around these days. Mostly waiting for more shoes to drop at work. Did successfully download the next technology on my home PC and plan to go on that exploration soon. Also will have to attend to outdoors stuff now that a large percentage of snow has melted. Busy here also de-leavening my bread. Still seeing the current chick, but barely. Not much there.
On call now, protecting our application processes and precious databases from threats, muggings, stupidity, and the usual gang of Hotshots and Car Crazies. That's me, the lone voice of sanity. Damn, need to wait until Monday for the traditional post-on-call Martini.
In other news, I see the usual round of buyouts and headcutcounts has comically relieved itself when local buyouts of Myers Industries (Myers, Myers, Fercachte Tires), and Delphi collapsed. Does this mean anything? Bigger business minds than mine must decide.
But, getting back to on-call, how do I manage to keep the Fortress of SQL Excellence from being condemned while supporting massive databases? Here's my list of home maintenance tips:
1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling waterdown your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. A bear trap works well also.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember: Every one seems normal until you get to know them.
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS. I can think of several dozen.